I’m often criticized by so-called allies or people from my own collectives.
I’ve been told that it’s egotistical to suggest that trans women should be paid when they provide their personal data for psychology theses or any kind of study about them. Apparently it’s immoral to have autonomy over your data and get paid when letting others use it with your consent, while nobody complains when our data is being taken from us without our consent. The analogy with the body is impossible to ignore.
I’ve been told that it’s good that we trans folks have to pay to access surgery and HRT. I was pointing out that even if the treatments themselves are free, the medical consultations and the blood tests are not, which hinders access to those treatments and healthcare in general. I was then insulted repeatedly and told that we should be grateful that the two most expensive things are covered, so we should pay happily for the other, mandatory charges. I said that this worries me for those who cannot afford the costs. The reply was that I was making it a personal issue, not a collective one.
Some of these people who insulted me were trans men. They were not confronted by someone who works in a division for diversity at the government of Mendoza province, Gabriela Echenique, who let them bully me, kept telling me that the Human Rights issue I was complaining about was a personal issue of mine, and agreed that it was OK that everyone had to pay. She said that the law doesn’t mention those costs, even though I clearly explained how one thing (surgery, HRT) is UNATTAINABLE without the other (consultation, tests). So if the law guarantees surgery and hormones, it must be interpreted that the law is implicitly making it mandatory for everything in between to be also accessible. She, allegedly a lawyer, disagreed. She also proposed working on a project for inclusion of transgender people at a regional university, but when I mentioned the importance of using an intersectional approach, specially concerning disability (most trans folks are neurodivergent or have some kind of disability), she brushed it off immediately. She will not address disability from the start, although every trans friend of mine who has studied there is disabled. Too personal, I guess.
Other supposed ‘friends’ are other autistic people who believe that intolerance should be tolerated. They believe it’s OK if someone disagrees with you and votes for someone who explicitly wants you and them dead. I know that I can’t change their minds, but I can’t help feeling bad about them wanting to have their own disability rights taken away from them and other autistic people, together with every other disabled person. I never told them I had any affinity for any political party (which I don’t), I simply stated that some ideologies should not be respected. Again, several people disagreed. Apparently, all ideologies, including Nazism and all forms of fascism, have to be respected. I wonder if they include plain old eugenics in their list of deeply respected ideologies.
Cis women, trans men, autistic people, and many others who I wished would be my safe circles, my trusted ones, or — if we happen to form a deep connection — my accomplices, are more often than not my unexpected enemies. They make me feel threatened when I have just retreated from dangerous places.
I feel extremely lonely and sad when I face these situations. I’m writing this because I know that I have true accomplices out there. Not everyone is here right now, but I know that our connection is bound to happen, or to continue, at some point in our lives. To all of you, I send you lots of love and compassion. I hope that we can all find understanding and be free of hatred and bullying. I hope that one day we will no longer be ridiculed for saying uncomfortable but necessary words. Let’s keep fighting for everything, for all kinds of intersectionality, regardless of how they make us look — like angry, violent protestors, like obnoxious, disrespectful people who are never satisfied. It’s time for the hateful to feel uncomfortable. Let’s disrespect their hate. Let’s be those angry rebels. Let’s be all of that and more. Let’s be each other’s hope.